十月一日~

不知不觉，又到了十月了，时间飞逝，已经毕业就快一年了，这一年真是过得最快的一年。

十月期间，所能期待的日记，大概只有七日，十三日跟十四日吧。七日，对我来说是好有意义的一天啊，而也是我亲爱的母亲的生日，我想我就快要有复杂的心情了吧。。。

距离上个post，已经是几天前的事了。这几天，满有意义的，跟学院的同学变得亲近了，今天也第一次跟他们一同去看电影，感觉满不错，最重要的是，WeiBin 真的很欠扁。。。

从一首歌当中，听到了这样的歌词，“天是那么大，人是那么多，偏偏让我约见你”...
仔细想想，还蛮有意义的。意味着缘与分的出现，天是那么的大，能够遇见一个人，并且成为朋友也不宜。老土讲一句，正所谓“有缘千里来相会，无缘对面不相逢” 结为朋友已不宜，更何况是成为好朋友，有时还真的得改改我那死人态度。。。

到今天，还是一样的想法，1个字，拼！
今天得到了account的成绩，对我来说，还蛮满意的，毕竟没有是根基的一科。。
好像能够维持这样的成绩，但也需要付出等价的努力，然而目前的我还没有这样的决心，
每天回到家，始终是懒懒散散的，什么都懒得做，懒得管。到目前为止，在家认真好好读书的时间仍然少过2小时 -.-

刚才，在facebook无意间看到一篇文章，题目是:

越喜欢你，越没话跟你说··

在读了后，发现还蛮真的，在之前的时候，面对她，终是不知从何说起，好像跟她讲话，却没有话题，而冥冥中注定，每次试着告白，都终是很奇妙的失败-.- 都已经说了出口，但只得了“天意弄人"这四个字。。但也好，现在的我，不再执著，不再沉默，而也开始寻回之前的幽默 hehe...
其实那是天意或人为，我也不懂，不过我也懒得猜了，毕竟猜到也是无谓的 -.-

连连续续的不够睡眠，都是自找的，明明一大早就可以睡了，却无心睡眠 -.- 弄到隔天的我爱睡到半死 -.- 12.20, 是时候了..晚安！

Nick~

~十八岁的中秋节~

昨天，在只有月饼的中秋气氛中度过了中秋节...
没有灯笼，也没有小孩跑来跑去的那种气氛，开始在想是否长大了就再也体验不到小时候那种快乐的中秋节了..
十八岁，是乎对我来说，有了某种不一样的感觉，终觉得十八岁度过节日时，应该有着与以往不一样的环境，毕竟十八岁也只有一次而已...
现在，所能期待及期望的，就只有十八岁的圣诞节了..满期待到时的我会如何度过那个节日..可能到时度过圣诞节后的我，在回来读时，会发现曾经期望的心情吧..

今天，与好友一起去享用晚餐，因为只是一个普通的晚餐，所以也没很在乎衣着方面，哈哈
翻了一翻衣橱，找到了一件衣服，曾经是我很喜欢穿的，却因为是我那时穿出去的那件，而渐渐的有了一种奇怪的感觉，不过今天终于拿出来穿了，在从电梯那走到咖啡店时，脑海中终是不断钩起一切的回忆，终觉得，好怪的一切，毕竟也已经是结束了的，但还是会想，究竟一切的一切，在一开始时是不是都是场骗局，所有发生的一切都是如编好的剧情般似地播出？

还记得，曾问过我大姐，如果有了美好的回忆，但也只是回忆，而且不可能会再发生的事，该如何解决？忘记?还是该把它埋在深深的脑海中？而大姐回答了，记住，但别执著。美好的回忆，就该记住，因为那也曾是你生命中发生过的开心事啊，把它记住，何乐而不为呢？但千万别活在记忆中，而美好的回忆，终究是会让更美好的回忆取代的。而心情不好时，可以把一切的事情都停下来，用10分钟的时间来emo一下。

姐说的很对，别浪费太多的时间emo , 毕竟那对事情完全没有帮助，反而只会让自己活得更辛苦。今天，英文的成绩派回了，虽然只是最初期的，但却让我感到一点点的不安。拿到成绩后，我告诉自己，无论如何，都要在英文方面有一定的成就，但却不懂自己有没有这样的本事，若真的想创任何成就，往后的日子更需要努力了。不懂是不是到了十八岁，情绪上的变化也比以前多了，也强了。以前一点都不担心的事，现在反而会开始担心，就像是该开始对自己的人生负点责任了。我没有那些人这样会想，在中学时期已经开始为未来打算，希望现在开始还没太迟吧。。
往后的生活，稳定的收入是缺不得的，然而，成就也是一样的。

今天，在和Jason一起去健身房后，回到家大约十分钟，就下去游泳了，这次也有爸爸的陪行。在游完后，刚回到家，拖着满累的身体坐在电脑前，才刚坐下，妈就吩咐我帮她扫地，因为在昨晚已经答应了，所以也不能推辞她，就带着不甘愿的心情帮她，而当她在多叫我一声时，我却用很不好的语气回应她，她忍了。。。而过后，爸和她吵了起来，而我的心情也不是很好，也就这样的再与她起了争执。过后，我感到非常后悔，为了这般小事，竟然对她如此不礼貌的吼叫,发脾气。我竟然忘了那道理，“没有人是欠你的，没有人应该承受你的脾气，没有人是应该理所当然的对你好”..好后悔，好惭愧，却还是说不去那句对不起。。

偶尔还是会想，若当时没遇见，就不会有现在所谓的回忆，有时想要绝情点，但却发现我没有能力，还是会在想，她过得好吗？开心吗？我还终是会有如此多余的‘关心’...

现在的我，只想着把两件事做好，“提升知识，增强体力"。。
知识； 想在学院有点成就，好让父母会骄傲地说，他是我儿子。
体力；竟然冥冥中注定我是巨蟹座的，就该好好的保护我所爱的人，家人及朋友。。不让他们受到任何伤害。。

我喜爱英文，却又喜欢用中文，可能中文才能准确地说出我的想法，而我却还没有这样的能力以英文写出吧。。
不想再为了任何小事而生气了，因为我学会了一个道理， “把任何你觉得生气的事来和死亡做比较，你就会发现，在死亡面前，所有的事，都只是小事一桩罢了"

~~十八岁的天空，照常飞翔~~
*林闻为 上*

Red Box + Shopping day @ Gurney

okay~~~~~ last night..promised Jason for gym at 10am next day -.- and sorry lol..overslept ..
wdf i alr tried to sleep earlier..and i did as well..2am sleep 10am wake up should be no problem right? zzz..but woke up at 7..too early..went back to sleep and became 11.30am wake up lol -.-
5 misscall , 2 messages . ARGH SAD -.- but nvm..redbox and shopping still on!

after cleaning up and bath , start picking everyone for the trip :D
went to Gurney and arrived around 2 something..1st destination , red box reception!
wdf sia..the receptionist there..so lansi..somemore with her impolite attitude -.- wdf..
Louis was going to complain about that lol .. but luckily..she changed her attitude at the end ..
made a membership card for RM5 (i didn't know it was so cheap lol)

ok..booked room for 3 - 6pm~ room 18~ aiseh..lucky number in cantonese huh :D
and what the heck sia..when the receptionist told us the room number , why must she mention it's a non-smoker room? we look like smokers meh? -.- zzz si noob

having a damn fun and crazy time there :D sour ribena taste so nice lolx
sang alot EMO song there..but can't get EMO leh.. and just realized..alot songs damn hard to sing at K sia =.=

after that..went to Clinic Cafe for dinner LOL..1st try there..alot nurse..but wdf la..almost all male 1 -.- ok..made orders for foods..and we been taking photos there all the time lol..and there was a great view too :D i mean for the sea~

those foods served there..okok nia -.- not very tasty eh..but after awhile , a nurse , girl 1 lol..xiao mei mei -.- and Jason looks like damn interested with that girl..keep saying "hey look at that girl..her uniform so big eh , not her size la..but damn cute la wei" < LOL
maybe shes just a nurse in doctor uniform -.- hahahaha

after the dinner~ still sang sang awhile be4 back :D sang until around 9pm or so..then just about to go home lol..after dropped Louis and Jason..while we were on our way home (me and Tengz) , he suddenly asked for RAMLEE BURGER! lolx..just nice..we just at around 7A there~ went there and purchased 2 burgers ~ and finished it at my SECRET PLACE! :D Yummy , a tasty 1!

after that , went up Tengz's house for drama lol..then on my way home :)
reached home around 20 mins or so..IMBA DRIVING MAN!


OK! sad story begins here , another *lonely* chinese mooncake festival ( Mid - Autumn)
ok la..nvm -.- since alr 17 years le..1 more year doesn't matter anyway.. wonder what i gonna do tomorrow sia..sure damn lots of ppl holding lantern and walk around the parks..mooncake also..zzz..this year i think my house don even have mooncake -.- bo lang heng jiak mooncake eh..sien nia...

i found that..my writing skill is better when im EMO sia..especially in chinese .. sibei wu wen cai eh haha..and now wan EMO also can't alr :( feels aparting..shang xin mang..(AK i noe u sure disappointed that u can't see me EMO anymore hahaha)
might EMO for the coming exams , but i think nervous more than EMO man! PANIC MAN!

ok la..account test on this coming friday..shang xin mang..i have no basic , yet somemore lazy with those format stuff -.- holy shit liao this time..zzz..nvm..work hard for results! no 辜负！
memang tak boleh Spend Money Susah Sendiri~

~*Nickdesire*~

This is what i think now , Always want and Always will

ok..midnight..and things came up my mind again..
everythings comes to the end now , sometimes , there're things that u will still need to face in the future , why don choose to face it earlier? so problem can be solved as earlier as you want to.
i know i been talking about the end months ago , yet it can't be ended , but this time i guess it really ended lol..

ok..i choose to be frankly , and speak everything out of what i thought and what i have in my mind,
i don wan to have any misunderstanding in my friendship , i treasured my friends , all of them..
when i think there're something going wrong , i'd rather frankly tell the problem out then keep it untold , untold stuff doesn't fun , yet misunderstand would kill ur friendship..
i appreciate my friendship , and i don't wanna lost them if i can keep them forever ,
especially for the friends here ,those that i will never want to lost ,
*Boon Khai *Jason *Wei Teng *Louis *Chun Liang *Aik Khuan *Alwin *Wen Zhe *Ivan
and so on , but for those listed above , i will never ever want our friendship came to it's end :D
and i guess it will never happen too hehe..

okay..look through back on what i've wrote for the passed months , feel so surprised that i been through such incident , and everything that happened, they're part of my memories , i wanna note them down , and remember forever , be my best memories , till the day i lost my breath.

Btw , heard from friend that a CHC student is in ICU now..cause of accident in this morning ,
although i don't know him much , but i've saw him in school before , hope u can get through all of this and be safe at the end...
Accident happen anywhere and anytime , i choose to be frankly , it's because i don wanna have any regrets in my life , i afraid that if 1 day i've bump into an accident , i might lost the chance to tell everything , compared to life & death , all these things are really little things , to speak it out , is way better than keep it inside heart. I don wan to have any regret in my life , and for the rest of my life , so start from now , i will just be honest and be frankly for everything , for whatever i want to do and want to say , i'll never keep inside heart anymore..

Appreciate your life , so others will appreciate you in return ,
treasure what you treasured , love what you loved .

~Nickdesire~

10 bucks , fulfilled what i need for a night LOL

okokokokokokok! look at the clock now -.- it's ...hmmm..10.18pm! the date is 15th of September!
ok..from this moment and so on , no more emo stuff -.- wdf sia..emo stuff..bullshit sia..wasted my time , my life , my energy..and somehow still get me a new nickname -.- Emo Nick .. rofl .. and even caused my test to be such an epic failure.. GOSH

ok , fell asleep when trying to workout at home -.- and missed my dinner time lol..
sis went for work , parent out for dinner , alone at home :( ftl..
serious , i need a friend sia..a friend who in the same situation with me LOL.. like everytime alone for dinner 1 -.- cuz wdf sia..i can't believe that i need a dinner partner .. ridiculous man..
well .. maybe sometimes , not everyday , if everyday also out for dinner , wallet will be damn pain man

yesterday , went dinner with Jason and Teng at AsiaCafe or something like that , i damn like the fried rice stall there sia , every foods sells there is so damn damn damn damn nice -.- but the amount ah..abit less lor.. no idea whether is the amount of food too little , or either i eat too much lol..but i never feel full after take the foods there .. ok..Teng been looking for Ramlee Burger LOL..we went from Air Itam to his house..can't even find a stall of the burger -.- ffs sia..Raya Day and those stall suddenly disappear ... zzz..
ok..i missed out my dinner tonite -.- and was really looking for someone who can take dinner with me, ends up..suggestion from Wenzhe + Alwin , "take dinner alone la brotherrr" fine fine fine -.- dinner alone..actually i damn hate alone..the feel sibei scary , or maybe im fear of it..and also..i don wan to feel that im alone .. but im really alone wad..sibei sohai nia..zzzz...ok.went downstair..wasted 10 bucks , bought dinner + 1 extra takeaway Ramlee Burger LOL..just because i couldn't find it ytd LOL..ok..tonite dinner really abit over amount -.- damn full after the rice..yet still got 1 burger takeaway lehh...gosh..more intake..more workout .........zzzz

Tomorrow , Thursday , 16th of September -.- guess it gonna be tough sia..we going for Dam Hiking again , holy shit..the inclined there..imba man..legs gonna be tired soon lol , and Jason and me decided to go for Gym after the Hiking , then maybe follow by swimming too .. woot..a tough + challenging day , gotta love it much <3 .. lets see what gonna happen tmr :D

‎~ Learn to be independent , get use to loneliness ~

Happy Day? or Sad Day?

okay..5 something in the morning..and i have decided to blog..
okay..yesterday..8th of September , it was supposed to be a wonderful day..until i found something out
oh well..even though i found something out , yet that doesn't affect me i perhaps..things were so good until the night..sometimes i seriously wonder..why can't life be just simple..i want a simple life..a very simple 1 is fine for me..but usually..things that u hoping for won't come for you without any prices..

Night..home..actually nothing's have changed..but i had the weird feeling that..why are the surrounding so strange to me..a good friend of mine asked.."how's your date?" i wondered..is that consider a date? nvm..doesn't matter anyway..home..bath..found something wrong..and somehow the something is finally solved..things cleared now..yet..no matter what we do in the future..it will just show unfairness to both party..

actually there are 3 things i treasured the most at the moment..
The 1st 1 of course it's my family..i love my family..especially my mum and my elder sister..they provide support to me all the time..and i'm sincerely thanks them so much..and i'm sure that whoever try to go against my family..i swear i'll just do anything for my family..no matter at what cost

2nd thing that i treasured the most..my brothers..after the lastest gathering..i found that..all my brothers are the best..they're my brothers..my buddy..my man..giving help when i need..ofcos in return i will just do whatever i can to help them as well..well i guess i told some of you about that..the feeling i hate the most..and it's the feeling that..when friend is in trouble..and i couldn't do anything to help them..i hate this feeling..and im so sick of this feeling..i want to help my friends..i'd like to see them in happy always..and not covered by those sad story or whatever on earth that might make me losses their smiles..

the 3rd thing..is her..yes..the first girl i fell for and yet i'm not like just telling for fun..and seriously..i do tried..im so mind about whatever happened to her..she sad -i sad..she happy-i happy..well..way typical..but i like it..what i can say is..her innocent look is just so irresistable..i love everything about her..love her everything...and also it's what that driving me crazy..i treasure every moment when i'm with her..i appreciate her words..whatever she said..might be a small deal..but it means a thing to me... but somehow sadly.. just like what i've say..life's not simple..obstacle of life is everywhere..well..part of life..today..5 something in the morning..woke up just because of parent's quarreling..i seriously wondered..what if my dad or mum chooses another person as their wife/husband..will things still goes like this? is this also 1 of the obstacle of life?i've totally no idea..

sad day , emo day , i'll do whatever i can..to prevent anything bad happening on me..
although life sucks , but im still trying my best to make it perfect imperfectly.

*~Nickdesire~*

September Update : The Awakening

okay..this might take you guys about several minutes to read it

okay..this is what i wrote on this morning..after my english lecture..

Recalling from what i have learned in this morning..Teacher said
' life is not that simply..it's full of obstacles..it's not like when you say i love you to someone..and the someone will say i love you back to you..'
yeah..from my opinion..Nothing's that simple..well..if u get something in too simple way..you probably not gonna appreciate it..for whatever you want..you'll always have to fight and work hard for it..don't hope life can be easy..just wish that u can be as tough as your life is..be strong for achieving your goal..yet , remember what u had and treasure what u have..

I wondered..when i said i love you..why can't you just love me back in return like what i did..oh well..love is selfish..as i know..sometimes sacrifice is really needed to get it done..love someone is to wish someone will have their happiness life..and not to have someone in your life..so as long as you can be happy..i don't mind who's the 1 that giving you your happiness life..even though that's not me..

i have done whatever i can..and i'm willingly to do those..just for your smiles..yes..ur smiles mean everything to me..EVERYTHING..but..it's time for awakening..my emotional been follow after yours..a little thing that you did unintentionally that you might didn't even notice it..but it's mean a thing for me..and also..a word from you in the morning..might even spoil my mood for the entire day..yet..i been still so obsessed with it..but now..no more..i will still do whatever i can to help you out if u asked for it..but..i won't disturb you anymore..this would be the best solution for everything..

Life sucks , but i'm still trying my best to make it perfect imperfectly .